I’ve always strived to be an open-minded person. I do my best not to let my judgment be swayed by past stereotypes or view an individual based on the actions of whatever group they might belong to. But, sadly, I’m human, and there are times when I make assumptions based on things like affiliations, race, gender, orientation, etc. I think the secret to becoming a truly enlightened person is not to never think those things, however, but to admit it and strive to most beyond it.
Case in point – I’m out with some friends the other night. Now, as anyone who has ever gone to a bar where live music is playing knows, having conversations is not the easiest thing. Add in the fact that the participants are consuming mass quantities of mood-altering substances, and holding an intelligent conversation can be a minefield.
I was talking to someone who I knew belonged to a very enthusiastic (for lack of a better term) church. The kind where they are very vocal about their beliefs and, even in the face of information to the contrary, continue in those beliefs. The leader of said church has no intentions of hiding his political activism, and the fact that he’s televised doesn’t help matters. I’ve met others who attend that church, and while I’ve never really sensed malice from them, having conversations with true believers can be frustrating.
So I already had some preconceptions going into the conversation. But it’s not like I had any negative thoughts or thought less of them. I just knew that as long as I avoided certain topics, I could have a pleasant conversation. Of course, the fact that said person was a very attractive gal who I will admit to being very interested in didn’t help matters. Always fun to have that scale going in one’s head – weighing the pros and cons of pursuing matters.
As the conversation went on and people around us chimed in, I finally did what I should have done in the first place – put my preconceptions to the side and just listened. And what I heard was a bright intelligent human being who didn’t just blindly accept the truth of others. And I’ll admit, I felt some shame – because there I was, doing the exact thing I hoped people didn’t do to me – just make assumptions about me based on labels placed on me. I’m the big guy with tattoos, long hair, don’t attend church or worship a higher being – all of that conjures up one stereotype or another.
It reminded me that people can become close who are on opposite sides of an ideological fence, as long as they continue to respect each other as human beings. The other person isn’t wrong, per se, they just don’t agree with you. If we all thought and believed the same, what fun would that be? I have friends who believe in all matters of religions, philosophies, political standings, and ideas that I don’t necessarily agree with – so ruling out anything deeper isn’t fair to them or to me. Will things be a bit more difficult? Sure – then again, who ever said it was easy?
Just because someone is devoutly religious or political doesn’t make them “evil” or to be feared. I look at Ann Coulter and Bill Maher – two people who couldn’t be more different, and yet, they profess a great fondness for each other as friends. James Carville and Mary Matalin have been married for almost 20 years, and apparently their secret is they just don’t talk politics at home.
It was a start reminder to me that sometimes I should heed my own advice – in this crazy mixed up world, one should strive to find happiness and joy wherever you can. Don’t be afraid to try. Yes, you can use past experience as a guide, but don’t use it as a wall. I’ll be honest – I have no idea what’s in my future. But this has been a reminder to me to accept and appreciate the people around me – to not blindly judge. And here’s hoping that sentiment reaches out to others. If we all tried a little harder to accept others, who knows – maybe we’ll all become a bit more enlightened.